Stassi Schroeder and Rachael O'Brien

On this episode of Straight Up With Stassi, Stassi is joined by comedian bestie extraordinaire, Rachael O’Brien.

“We joked about wanting to be cool girls, and now you are one.”

“So I have a theme for this podcast, you guys,” Stassi says. “I sat here trying to outline stuff and come up with material and I’m like, ‘I am braindead. I can’t think of anything. What have I been doing over the last week?’ I finally have off, besides the podcast, for a month and a half. I want to just get my apartment situated.”

“You can come to Palm Springs! I’ve been going there like every weekend,” Rachael says.

“I would totally do something like that,” Stassi agrees.

“Oh, that’s where I’ve been, by the way,” Rachael says. “I was in Palm Springs three weekends out of the last five, and Vegas one weekend. It’s not dates. Granted, I was trolling the tennis tournament hoping to find a suitor but didn’t find one.”

“See, that is a great place to meet people,” Stassi says.

“Yeah, but I was with my niece and nephew and my family,” Rachael points out.

“Exactly! Find a nice family man, somebody that wants a family and is ready to settle down,” Stassi says.

“But it didn’t work,” Rachael says. “I was too busy making dinner reservations and restaurant hopping. Anyways…”

“The thing is, you don’t even want to settle down. What do you want?” Stassi asks Rachael.

“I wouldn’t want to settle down for a while,” she says. “But somebody is probably going to surprise me. I’m gonna meet someone and be like ‘Fine.’ But no, I don’t, I don’t want to meet the love of my life right now.”

“I totally get your drift,” Stassi says.

“I’m such a cool girl,” Rachael says sarcastically.

“You ARE a cool girl. Wait, Rachel…” Stassi gasps.

“I’m not!” Rachael exclaims.

“Six months ago, we joked about wanting to be cool girls, and now you are one,” Stassi says.

“I’m not really, though,” Rachael disagrees. “You are too! You don’t need to do anything. And you’re not like, ‘I need to find the love of my life!’ You don’t care.”

“I still am not cool,” Stassi says. “I don’t do anything. We don’t go anywhere. It’s so crazy when you think about how shit changes.”



“Maybe we’re just boring.”

The ladies get to talking about where they’re even supposed to meet people they actually like nowadays.

“So like, we’re fucked,” Stassi says. “Do we go hang out at book stores?”

“I’m not a reader though. Ooh, but that would be a good person to meet who just reads a lot and doesn’t talk too much,” Rachael muses. “Then they won’t bug me? I don’t know. I don’t know!”

“Some people say workout places and I’m like, ‘Well I don’t…'” Stassi begins saying.

“I don’t like douchey workout people!” Rachael interjects. “I like people that work out a normal amount. I don’t need someone that’s like, ‘Gotta hit the gym. CrossFit is the shit.'”

“‘It’s leg day today. Yesterday was abs so I need to give them a break,'” Stassi mimics.

“100% no,” Rachael says. “And if you go to Burning Man, that’s another no. These are just criteria. Because people that go to Burning Man are people that still party, but they’re also the people that save up all of their partying for that one time a year and the rest of the year they’re judge-y and yoga-y. But then they go to Burning Man and take a bunch of drugs and dress up like weirdos.”

“Are we even allowed to talk about Burning Man since neither of us have been?” Stassi asks.

“I’m sure it’s a cool experience, but I prefer to judge it from afar,” Rachael clarifies.

“I don’t like the photos I see of it,” Stassi says.

“It’s annoying! What are those costumes?” Rachael asks.

“It looks really hot, it looks really dirty, it looks like it smells bad, it looks like I’d be parched,” Stassi says.

“And I don’t like looking at people on drugs,” Rachael says. “Especially in the daylight. It scares me.”

“I agree. I don’t even like Coachella that much,” Stassi says. “I only like to go for the parties and planning outfits. That’s legitimately the only reason I like Coachella.”

“I don’t like enough of the music there to like it,” Rachael agrees. “I don’t want to hear a DJ during the day.”

“It is so weird when you think about it. Were we born in the wrong time?” Stassi ponders.

“Maybe we’re just boring,” Rachael responds. “I don’t know.”

“Have you seen the room we’re sitting in? I’m not boring,” Stassi jokes, gesturing to the shoes surrounding them that she keeps in her extra bedroom.

“You have all your shoes. Your friends are all here,” Rachael laughs. “That’s all you need.”

“All my friends are here.”




When you like shoes more than you like people.

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