On this episode of Straight Up With Stassi, Stassi is joined by dream expert Kelly Sullivan Walden.
“Oh, we’re having these dreams because we’re a bunch of insecure assholes”
“The only reason I remember this is because I feel like my boyfriend likes to make fun of me for it, so I’m constantly being reminded that I have it,” Stassi explains.
“Do you tell him when you’re still in bed, ‘Oh I just had that dream again’?” Kelly asks.
“Yeah, I wake up, and it’s a dream that he cheated on me or something, and I wake up, and I’m always like, ‘I need five minutes. Don’t talk to me for five minutes because I need to recognize that this wasn’t true, but I’m still in this mentality, so give me five minutes,’ and he thinks it’s just the funniest thing that I really need five minutes to train my brain to make it realize it didn’t actually happen,” Stassi says. “And it’s not always cheating, it could just be a betrayal. Like, in a situation, he chose someone else’s side over mine or something. I’ll still wake up and be like, ‘Five minutes!'”
“Well that’s actually a super responsible way of treating that dream,” Kelly says. “A lot of people have those dreams and they just get all bitchy to their partner, as if they actually did the thing. My husband has had the dream where I’ve cheated on him, and I haven’t, and I’m like, ‘Don’t give me attitude, I didn’t do anything.’ You get extra karma points for owning it yourself. So, this dream is loaded. There’s a lot in this. First of all, I’ll say that most of the time our dreams are symbolic — they’re not literal. A lot of people will have these dreams and make the assumption, ‘Oh, something may be happening,’ and I know some people that start snooping because they’re afraid that something is happening. At least 95% of the time, it’s not true. Every once in a while, it is, but I want to say most of the time, it’s not. I had an experience where it was true, but it was recurring, and every time it recurred, I could see the woman’s face more vividly, and the place, and the details. I was with a guy who was a musician on tour and I was like, ‘When you were in Australia, did a girl who looked like…’ and he looked like he saw a ghost, and I was like, ‘Busted.'”
“Oh my gosh,” Stassi gasps.
“But that was an exception to the rule. I think it’s rare that that’s the case. Like I said, Carl Jung, the late, great father of psychotherapy, he would say, ‘Every dream and all the people and every bit of the dream is happening inside the dreamer,’ so you could say the masculine aspect of you, who is being personified by Beau, is going rogue. The masculine aspect is the ambitious aspect, is the part that’s more out in the world, whereas the feminine aspect is more of the feeling, emotional aspect. So I would ask myself, is the masculine part of me doing something that’s not considering the emotional aspect of me?”
“Oh, that just went to a place that I didn’t even… that’s interesting. I wouldn’t have thought about that. I would have just been like, ‘Oh, we’re having these dreams because we’re a bunch of insecure assholes,'” Stassi laughs.
“No, no, no,” Kelly says. “I mean yeah, your dreams can sometimes help you vent out insecurity for sure, so once it’s vented out, you can be filled up with the opposite of that energy with confidence. Betrayal, for a human… when you trust someone and go deep in intimacy, you’re vulnerable. So our dreams are helping us to work that stuff out so that if, God forbid — and it will never happen with you guys, but for a lot of people who are relating to this dream — if for some reason what you’re having a nightmare about turns out to be in waking life, you are prepared in some ways, in ways that you wouldn’t be otherwise, so you’re not as traumatized and you’re able to go, ‘I’ve been through this 1,000 times, I know what to do.'”
“That’s true,” Stassi says. “It’s like practice!”