On this episode of Straight Up with Stassi, Stassi and Kristen Doute talk about weird guys, Halloween costumes, and plastic surgery.
“12 Reasons Why Old Souls Can’t Find Love.”
Stassi tells a story about trying to open a link that an ex-fling sent her while on a plane recently.
“You know that fucking go-go in air Internet shit, it’s so slow,” she says. “It really sucks.” “That’s why I don’t even send you GIFs or pix or anything,” Kristen says. “You can’t when I’m on a plane because then I’m wondering what it is and it frustrates me,” Stassi says. “So the link works after a solid 27 minutes of trying to make it work.”
“I hope you had [Internet], for the whole flight, not just 30 minutes,” Kristen jokes.
“Oh no, I’m not an amateur,” Stassi says. “I get 24 hours.”
So what was the link about?
“I couldn’t believe my eyes,” Stassi says. “I could not believe my eyes. This person, who I am not romantic with anymore, like dude, you know what you did, the title is: ’12 Reasons Why Old Souls Can’t Find Love.’”
After a moment of silence, “because I need to digest it all over again” Stassi says, she continues.
“First thought: This has to be an accident. I’m like, ‘Who did he mean to send this to?’ There’s no way he meant to send this to me. I’m like, ‘We don’t talk about anything that’s romantic or anything about that.’ So I’m sitting there like, ‘Is this fucker for real?’ So then I read the article, because I’m like, ‘Maybe there’s a clue in there somewhere.’ Maybe it’s a joke, maybe it’s a sham. But it was the most serious article I’ve ever read. Very straightforward. No sarcasm.”
Obviously, she sat there for a minute, wondering how to respond.
“I’m like, ‘Is he saying that this is how he is, or is he trying to tell me, ‘This is why you’re single, Stassi’?”
So she decides the best thing to write back is “Is this you trying to explain to me why you were a pain in my ass, or are you trying to explain why I’m still single?”
In response, the guy just wrote, “Me 100%.” Then later, he adds, “Now I’m re-reading it, and yeah, I think that is a little like you too.”
Kristen says, “You’re like, ‘Oh, I’m mature, but no it’s not why I’m single, I’m single because I’m choosing to, because I don’t feel like dealing with your shit.”
“I didn’t say that, but I thought it,” Stassi says.
(What she actually said was, “Oh, honestly, felt like it was describing Cancers, but maybe that’s just me being narcissistic because I think my astrology sign is the best.”)
“What the fuck do you mean, ‘What am I’m gonna be?’ I’m gonna be there.”
Stassi talks about how she’s been staying out more recently, telling Kristen about a night she recently had.
“We ordered pizza and I stayed awake until 4:30 in the morning and got home to my apartment, woke up at noon, and had my neighbors knocking on my door being like, ‘We found your wallet outside.’ I was like ‘What!? Oh my god, I’ve officially become somebody who’s fun.’ Basically, I’m just turning into a good time.”
“It was a good costume, I was really proud of you,” Kristen says about Stassi’s outfit from that night.
Stassi then delves into a story about being on a plane coming back from Charleston and planning a costume for a Halloween party at SUR.
“Katie tells me, ‘What are you gonna be?’ And I’m like, ‘What the fuck do you mean, ‘What am I’m gonna be?’ I’m gonna be there. That’s what I’m gonna be.’”
Also, both ladies agree that it’s worse to re-wear a costume than to not show up.
“I was running around my apartment, looking for inspiration. Katie was like, ‘Just come in black leggings and a tight black shirt and I’ll make you a cat.’ And I’m like, ‘Cool, uh, no. I’m not doing that. If I’m gonna dress in all black, you’re going to make me Satan, Beelzebub, the devil, or Daemon. You’re not making me a fucking cat, okay?’’”
So what did she go as? She went as herself: Single and tired.
“It is a thing though for us to get addicted to. I do know that.”
During a talk about plastic surgery, Stassi says she’s too scared to get her lips done.
“When I do look back at when I first got it done last year, I’m like, ‘It kind of looked weird,’” she says. “It is a thing though for us to get addicted to. I do know that. That is an actual thing when you start getting work done.”
“If you do one thing, then you want another,” Kristen agrees. “It’s too much.”
“I totally agree, except I fall victim to wanting too much,” Stassi says. “I feel very lucky that I have a doctor that won’t let me do any of the things I want to do. I’m like, ‘I totally trust you.'”
After a shoutout to their doctors, Stassi says, “This is the most embarrassing conversation I’ve ever had on this podcast. We sound so LA. This is what we get made fun of for.”
“If we don’t [get plastic surgery] though, people are mean, and if we do, people are mean,” Kristen says.
“I feel like my soul came out of my body for a second and was just looking down on us talking, judging,” Stassi says.
“I just feel like we do what makes us feel good about ourselves,” Kristen says, “and that’s all that fucking matters.”