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On this episode of Straight Up With Stassi, Stassi is going solo again this week due to a sore throat that makes her sound like she “ate a tall grey frog.”


“You would have thought I was legit being murdered.”

“Today was a day,” Stassi begins. “I thought my finger got cut off. Have you ever thought for longer than one minute — think how long one whole minute is — that your finger has been cut off? Do you know the panic that travels throughout your whole body when you think you’ve lost a finger? Yeah. So let me back up.”

Stassi had been somewhat enjoying being sick, because it gave her an excuse to sit on her ass and watch TV. The day started out as just another day of watching Gossip Girl (again). But she also had maintenance people coming to fix her windows.

“So they show up and the guy is like, ‘Show me which windows aren’t working’ so I go over to the living room window, the one that doesn’t have a screen on it. When I open the window, it just completely falls. I am showing him this, and sure enough, the window falls directly parallel with the bottom window and my fingers get completely stuck. I start screaming bloody murder, screaming for help. This guy was an older man and he kept freaking out trying to help. My fingers were completely crushed. I was certain that they were cut off or broken. He couldn’t lift the window and panicked, and I saw him run out of the apartment and my whole body went cold because I’m like, ‘Did he just leave me?'”

Her neighbors come outside and see her hanging outside the window, screaming, sobbing, begging someone to come help her.

“You would have thought I was legit being murdered, and not just by a stabbing,” she says. “I mean like, a really gruesome murder, worse than stabbing. That is what it looked and sounded like. Turns out he was screaming for someone else stronger than him.”

Luckily, another man was able to lift the window.

“He lifts the window and I’m in so much pain, I’m shaking. My neighbors are trying to help me, offering to take me to the hospital.”

Thankfully, she could bend her fingers slightly, so she decided they probably weren’t broken.

“Honestly, the fear that I had from it was almost worse than the pain,” Stassi says. “It was sad. It was so sad. It must have been so pathetic to watch too. I’ve worn this romper for three days now, I don’t smell good, I don’t have makeup on, my hair is greasy and dirty, I have a fever, I’m hanging out of a window and screaming… It could not be more embarrassing and more deflating for my ego.”

Luckily, things could only go up from there.


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