stassi and brittany

On this episode of Straight Up With Stassi, Stassi is joined by none other than the first person ever, in her 28 years of existence, that she has found to be the kindest person she’s ever met without making her suspicious: Brittany Cartwright.

“I’ve been in fist fights in bars before.”

“I have said this since high school: I don’t trust overly nice people because I feel like they’re just hiding the meanness,” Stassi begins. “But you, I can tell, I will ride or die with this statement: you are not hiding anything. You just actually are that nice.”

“I feel like I am pretty nice, but, if you piss me off good enough, I have a different side,” Brittany says.

“Really?” Stassi asks

“Only if it’s like, Jax, or…” Brittany begins.

“Okay, only if it’s your boyfriend,” Stassi says. “You say this, I’ve heard you say this before, like, ‘Oh no, if you piss me off, I can get you.'”

“I can! I’ve been in fist fights in bars before,” Brittany says.

“Like with whom?” Stassi asks.

“Like, a girl,” Brittany says.

“Like, you’ve put your hand and fingers into a fist and punched somebody? Can you explain how that happened? How did that escalate?” Stassi questions.

“When I was in college, she liked my boyfriend, and she was at the same bar as me and my friend, and my friend is wild as hell so she started to fight with her friend and then that girl punched me and I had to fight back,” Brittany says. “I swear.”

“I’ve never been punched by a girl,” Stassi says. “I mean, I backhanded Kristen but that doesn’t really count. I stopped right then and there because I’m weak as fuck. I can’t do anything. I would rather my extensions be pulled out and be embarrassed, like, I don’t care. I am weak. I can’t fight.”

“It’s really scary,” Brittany says. “You honestly don’t know what happened or how it even started. But I know that she hit me first and I didn’t have anything else to do. I had to go at it. I am a Kentucky girl; I am from a farm.”

“Wait, hold on,” Stassi says. “Just because you’re from a farm doesn’t mean you like fucking wrestle with animals. So, wait a second. How did she punch you? You would never say something to anybody in order for them to punch you. I could never see you saying anything rude enough.”

“It’s because she liked my boyfriend,” Brittany says. “She used to mess around with him before I started dating him and she was just really jealous. And then once we were all at the same bar together, she just kept starin’ and starin’ and my friend has a mouth on her so I think that we were just like, ‘Well, what are you lookin’ at?’ and then it started, really drunk at a bar. And that’s all I really remember.”

“You blacked out the second that you punched somebody,” Stassi says. “That’s what a good person does. The second that they actually resort to physical violence, they black out and don’t remember it.”

“It was crazy,” Brittany says. “Next thing I knew everybody was being drug out. So embarrassing.”

“How long ago was that?” Stassi asks.

“I snuck into the bar, so I wasn’t even 21 yet,” Brittany says. “So this was a long time ago. I was either 19 or 20.”


“Say you’re on death row and you’re about to get lethal injection…”

“Brittany and I are both drinking vodka peach sodas,” Stassi says. “One of the questions actually for you is what your cocktail of choice is, which I laughed at because I’m like, ‘I know that already.’ Fuckin’ vodka soda. Nobody likes vodka soda. I’d actually want you to argue your case. If you could have anything in the world, you’d have a vodka soda, correct?”

“Yes,” Brittany confirms. “It’s not because it tastes like the best thing in the entire planet. It’s because it has the least amount of calories. It doesn’t make me sick, is the main thing. I have a very sensitive stomach where I get the worst hangovers in the entire universe, and I still do, so I should probably just not drink at all. But honestly, if I drink anything other than vodka soda or straight tequila shots, I will be throwing up. And that’s for real.”

“Okay, so, I have a few thoughts about that,” Stassi responds. “Number one: What is your favorite tasting cocktail in the whole world?”

“Well, I love Bloody Marys too,” Brittany says.

“Say you’re on death row and you’re about to get lethal injection…”

“I would honestly want a Bloody Mary,” Brittany says.

“What would your whole entire meal and drink be?” Stassi asks. “You’re about to die. It’s the last thing you can ever have.”

“My drink would definitely be a spicy Bloody Mary with bacon, stuffed blue cheese olives, extra blue cheese olives at that, a piece of celery in there, Tito’s vodka. And then, honestly if it was my last meal, I might eat buffalo chicken wings and ranch dressing, bone in. All flats, no drumsticks. Honey, I worked at Hooters for six years. What sides would I do? Broccoli cheese casserole,” Brittany says.

“Woah. These are such good answers,” Stassi says. “I’m like, so on-board with your answers. I’m not mad at anything that you just said. Except for the bone-in part.”




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